Today was fraught with a lot of anxiety over this assignment even thought I was SO excited by the whole notion of it. It had been a busy and stressful day with hardly any time at all for me to prepare let alone carve out an hour to so to do it and the next day was going to be even busier plus I knew my bleeding would be slower so it didn’t feel right to do it then. You asked me to do this ritual when my bleeding was at its heaviest so it was today or wait another month and I was determined to not have to wait, I was impatient. I thought of a spot I had been to before in the forest at a local park. There was a huge fallen tree that I could walk along and find a spot to lie and sit on but when I arrived I saw that this tree was a lot closer to the trail than I had remembered. I would have been total visible to people on the trail and there were people there this evening when I arrived not far from where I was. I scouted around, not sure where to go, I found another seemingly great spot but then I saw a different trail up on the ridge above me which I didn’t know was there. Dam! I then heard a group of people coming from up in that direction. I was beginning to have my doubts if I could pull this off, plus I was holding 50 Ft of tangled rope I still had to deal with. Walking around I finally saw a nice big tree that I could sit at the base of. It was only 50 feet off the main trail but hidden from trail above. I felt a bit desperate to find a place and get going before it was too late. Sitting around the back of the tree I was mostly hidden from view but if anyone walked off the trail a bit I would have been easily visible. That and the fact that I was expected to pick up my son in a little under an hour added to my erotic tension. Could I actually pull this off? I was feeling unsure. I had my rope to tie around my body as a symbolic gesture of the mental stories that hold me back from being my most radiant self. Knowing that particular tie you showed me wasn’t mandatory alleviated me of some pressure. I vowed to learn it and use it another time instead. Once I knew that I could use the rope how I saw fit, it was go time!!! I felt resistance to getting naked as I was so vulnerable to being seen here. I made a plan in my mind for how to deal with that if it happened. How I could get covered quickly and how no one would know it was blood. Is this resistance or just shame I am feeling for what I am about to do?
I stood up, undressed and then tied myself up. I felt as if I had to do things quickly. I took my menstrual cup out It was full to the brim and then I dumped it all out into my hands. At this point, I felt afraid for a split second and then I had to do it, it happened fast. I covered my face, neck, chest, belly, legs and then feet. As soon as it was done, it took my breath away. I took a picture right away. I can’t believe I am doing this, in public, in the woods!!! Oh my great goddess look at me!!!!!
I loved the sight of how dark my blood was. I loved the warmth of it on my skin. I wish I had more, cups and cups full to cover myself in. I had it all over me, I remembered to taste it, i
t tasted sweet.
I remembered to take a picture. I took several and I got caught up in being able to see what I looked like, all crimson red and tied in rope at the base of a big tree. My phone now had blood all over it too. I kept looking around the tree, no one there. More pictures, more sitting. I listened to the rain coming gently down. I relaxed more then. This all seemed so normal to me all of the sudden, being outside, in amongst the green alive things. Being naked there, with blood smeared all over me. Even being tied up with a rope. All this was perfectly natural, the only challenge was feeling rushed and slightly worried people would come. I began to touch myself, my legs spread open. I felt my wetness, my blood, I felt a little cold being naked in the rain at 6:30 at night. I decided to break a small twig off the bush in front of me, I rubbed my clit with that instead like you asked No hands to masturbate, use something else. I felt juicy but I did not get as aroused as I thought I could have or should have probably because of time pressure and being cold.
When the blood was dried it felt smooth and soft on my skin. I had no desire to take it off of me. In fact, I was resentful that I had to finish this assignment and leave in short order. I wanted to sit there, back up against this sturdy soft tree forever. But time was calling me on, so I looked at my notes. I had to remember all the instructions because I am your good DLG and that is what I do. I sent you the pics, you responded but I am not sure how it made you feel. I noticed a slight feeling that maybe you were not pleased, maybe this was boring for you. Fucking thoughts. I notice a thought that I may be failing this assignment. I may be failing you. Maybe I am not as good a submissive as your others are. Maybe if I was single with no young children and didn’t have so many responsibilities I would be more desirable and more able to be a better dirty little girl for you. I felt a little wave of sadness to be so far away from you, to not know how you really feel receiving these pictures. I am ashamed to admit having those thoughts but there they are. I do not want to ever hide anything from you.
Now it is time for the ritual. I put my hands in prayer at my heart and summon her, the Great Mother, the only one for me. I know her, she knows me. It is not a stretch for me to call upon her. I invite her to witness me, covered in blood sitting upon her lap in surrender. I pray for her help. Help me to release all the negative thoughts I have and carry about myself that keep me from being all that I am in this world. Show me, tell me what to do to release the shackles of my mind that have kept me so bound. I sit with eyes closed, hand to heart and this is what came…..
Go within, the answer lies there. You already know because you know well who you are. You have never forgotten. You need to go and do this ritual over again next month, much slower, more relaxed and in a different location. You must find your own sacred spot that you will go to from now on to do your rituals. Your own sacred, secret spot. You must ritualize your blood every moon from now until the time when you no longer bleed and become a crone. For many months you have forgotten. It is time again for you to do this. You must talk about what you are doing to others. You must share the wisdom you usually keep quiet and hidden. You must write about it and tell other women. Men want to know too, they will learn. Stay with the one who sent you here, he will help you. Mix your blood with water and nourish the Earth like you used to. This is the life giving blood that will heal. Summon protection around your home with your blood like you used to. Mark your territory with your blood. Come back again, you know I am always with you.
I do not want to get up but feel I should. I untie my ropes and let them fall to the ground as a symbolic gesture of release from my mental slavery. The spell is broken. I now give my offering to my Mother. I dig a shallow hole in the ground under me. I pee into it and let my blood come out too. I take a cloth with warm water that I brought and wipe all my blood off then ring out the cloth with the water and blood into the hole. I take some more blood from my inside of me and mark it on the tree behind me. I press my third eye into it to give thanks to the tree. This is all I have, my naked body, my prayers, my blood and my truth. I thank you daddy, I thank you Great Mother, I thank me. It is done. My parting thoughts are this…..
I can’t wait until next month, to do this again. Even better, even deeper will I dive into the mystery of my blood and give so much thanks for the cycles of my life, for the cycles of the seasons and of this life and for being a woman. I give so much thanks for the fluids of my body, for it’s wisdom, for it’s longing, for it’s mysteries and its beauty.
I love you so much daddy. I hope and pray often that I can be as much to you as you are to me.
That is my greatest wish, to love you so deeply, so fully and so well.
your very own, dirty little girl
xoxo
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