A year in review

This past year has been, in my view, an excellent year of steady growth, understanding, friendship, support and refinement of my role as submissive to daddy.  What started out as a fairly rocky beginning to 2014, when we were still in the midst of trying to be something different and navigating our long distance relationship from 3000 miles apart, has ended in a mutually satisfying, beautifully supportive, erotic and loving co-creation of our D/s relationship.  Here is what I noticed.  When I was trying to hard to make us something we just couldn't be, it created tension and pain.  When I finally let go of all my attachment to what I thought it should be, when I allowed myself to be myself,  to not fall into the "I am not good enough" cycle and to be honest about where I was at in my life, what I was truly able to give and how I felt about daddy, things got a lot easier.  All the defensiveness dropped away and daddy and I could just be.  Without having the fear of my defensive patterns and the pull away reaction that daddy had as a result, we could ease into freer and deeper conversations where we could be more and more honest and open about everything.  A funny thing happens when you are not afraid of losing something, when you move out of fear and recognize the gift available in working with what is real in the moment.  It  becomes so much easier to be totally honest and authentic and our hearts can open more fully.  That seems like what happened with us.  We began to move into deeper connection, trust and friendship as time went on.  Relationships take time to build.   I love that daddy and I can talk very openly about everything and help each other navigate our way through our other relationships with genuine care.  We both want each other to thrive, be happy and fulfilled in love and in our erotic lives and we have consistently supported each other in this direction, even through the jealously that inevitably crops up.  I love that I can be totally myself with daddy and he with me and that we can be vulnerable with each other.  I can lean on him, I can fall and he will catch me, he will always have my back and my best interest in mind and I know that now.  Along with being his devoted and loyal sub, I want him to feel held by me and I am pretty sure he does.  2014 has been an evolution of our love, our commitment and desire to move forward in the most clear and loving ways.  I have learned so much more about daddy, watched him grow as a man, learn and struggle in his life just like we all do.  I have deepened into my role as his dlg and I look forward to our future, to more visits, longer stays, more play, fun, surrender,  passion, and kink.   I look forward to it all and what more we will choose to create and how we will weave this beautiful relationship into our lives in more rich and fulfilling ways.  I love you daddy.  I can't imagine my life without you in it.

Here's to another amazing year ahead,
big love from
your dirty little girl
xxx

Devotion

Starting on January 1 2015 and to be carried out until May 1,  where we will have another evalution about what these changes have brought.

A collar will be worn every time we Skype as a symbol of my service and as a way to remind me that I am bound to daddy as his submissive.  This collar will also be brought and presented to daddy next time I see him for him to officially collar me and will be taken with me every time I am to be with daddy.  The first time I place this collar on my neck, I will present it to daddy, via skype with my words of devotion in prepartion for when he can collar me directly.  The pre ritual ritual.  

A weekly text to talk about my committment and what he means to me included with a photo.  

A package every other week in the mail, of a new pair of panties imbued with my juices as I know how much he savors the scent of me.  These will be new panties purchased for the occasion and worn for 24 hours while arousal has occured.  

A blog post every other week, about my thoughts, feelings, experiences and dreams as an erotic submissive woman.

Each month when I am about to bleed,  I will let him know so he can by synced with my cycle.  When I send him things, the package will always be sealed with a dab of my blood in some way.

When I see daddy, whether it be on Skype or in person, I will present myself to him on my knees with head bowed as a sign of my devotion until he tells me to rise.

These are a few of the ways in which I will show my devotion more consistently with my daddy.  I will add to this list as I am inspired, able or requested by him.

With love,
dlg

Processing and Devotion

Yesterday we had our talk.  I must say,  it went well and I am so proud of the way we can handle ourselves in what could be very challenging conversations and how we continually strive to speak our truths without blame or shame and move always in the direction of evolving our love.  This much is clear, we do both share a deep love, desire and commitment for things to continue and grow and at the same time we continually bump up against our limitations of living 3000 miles apart.  Daddy's request was for me to show my devotion to him in more consistent reliable ways of my choosing.  He  mentioned that at times, the energy of our D/s relationship seems to wane.   Given our busy lives, other relationships and distance etc...This is not surprising and I have felt it too.  We agreed that the ebb and flow and fluctuations in the energy exchange are expected and didn't signify that anything was wrong or that either of us were failing in our role somehow.  We agreed to allow the space for those fluctuations to be and let things naturally take their course and to always let each other know if and when we needed something more which is what was happening now.  This approach allows for our more authentic and spontaneous expression with how things get played out, instead of doing what we "think" we should be doing, meeting some quota of homework and sharing etc... we can do what feels right at the time.  I love the space and room we give each other, it is truly beautiful to watch our relationship unfold.

Daddy also made a request that I commit to regular visits, whether they be twice a year or more in order for this to work.  I agreed.  Daddy needs to feel and know my devotion as his submissive, as his baby girl, as his dirty little one in more consistent ways in order for it to work for him.  And he asks to know how he can continue to show his devotion to me.

I listened with a calm and open heart to all he shared.  I cried tears of joy for I know that he loves me and values me in his life and for the beauty and vulnerability he shows in expressing his desires to me.  I feel deep pangs of longing and gratitude to be able to love, serve and please this man.  It is my honour to do so.   I only wish I could be closer to him so I can show him in more physical and deliciously sexual and sensual ways. Which brings me to part two, how to show my devotion?
This is what my hearts desires versus what is truly possible in the reality of this present space and time in my life.

The thought of not being able to be daddy's baby girl right now would shatter my heart.  I am devoted to him and I long to be closer which would mean more visits, at least 3-4 times a year where we would spend at least a week together.  Or, that I would live on the East Coast, several months of the year being closer to him and my family which would be a great benefit for everyone all around.  My heart desires to be his 24/7 sub which would also contain deep friendship, being lovers, and the occasional switch of power exchange so we could both have our turn at surrendering.  My heart desires to love him freely, fully, passionately with all the sexual, sensual and erotic energy we share spilling over into playing with others as well.  Our cup would run over with erotic juices, it would be our natural desire to want to share it, including our current partners.  My heart desires more, fun, creative erotic adventures that would include his instruction into more of my current life situation.  I desire that he become an active role in my life, meeting my children, family and friends.  I desire that he be willing to come see and stay with me once a year.   I do not want to be hidden in his life.  I wish for him to speak openly and proudly of me as his submissive lover and friend to others.  My desire is that I grow and deepen my relationship with him over many long years and that he always be a consistent part of my life.  For that is how much he means to me.
And here is the reality...…

I cannot just move to the East Coast, not right now.  I can entertain the idea of moving and living/working part time on the East coast, but I don't foresee it happening until the summer or next fall. I am greatly challenged by my financial situation right now,  affording two places to live feels tricky at the moment.  I can make regular trips as I have been,  at least once a year but when I am there I have to share my time with my family too so sometimes staying a whole week with him is a challenge.   I would like for that to not be the case.   I can show my devotion more consistently in a fun and creative way that will please daddy, that would be a joy for me.  I already have some ideas but will share them with him directly later.   I can commit to more regular texting, emailing on a daily or weekly basis but I need adequate time to complete my assignments as sometimes I struggle given my busy and hectic lifestyle as a working mother.   I can commit to sending things by mail on a weekly or biweekly basis.  I can commit to photo sharing, more writing on this blog.  I can commit to more sexual adventures that I fulfil here at home that include my daddy more actively and creatively whether they are with myself or with others.    I am committed to sharing my devotion more, as I wish to please daddy from the very depths of my being.  Not only because of all he does for me but because he is one of the most beautiful, authentic, loving and devoted men I have ever met.  He deserves to have this devotion reflected back to him.  So for now, that is where I am.  I will speak with him soon.  I have already spoken to my husband and shared with him my truth and how I wish for things to move forward for daddy and I and for us as a polyamorous, open couple.  My husband is in full support and was encouraged by my desire for daddy to be more a part of my life here and maybe a part of our sexual life as well.   Today I feel truly blessed.
More thoughts from,
~DLG

A talk

Tomorrow is the day we are going to reevaluate our relationship again.  I am both afraid and excited.  This past year has been a huge year of change, of emotional ups and downs and reworking of my own primary partnership and marriage, my relationship to you daddy,  my relationship to this polyamorous, open lifestyle I have created and to my life in general.  A lot has been unearthed.  I had to tear down all that was not working, not growing well.  The soil has been upturned and now the time comes to see what wants to grow.  It is inevitable that things may change with you and I daddy but I don't want them to, I am resistant to that.  You have become such an incredible part of my life, not just as daddy but as a great friend, a support, a lover and one who understands me deeply as I do you.  I can't imagine my life without you in it now.  Let change come if it must and it will,  but let the change be one that allows a continued growth and evolvement of us.  Let us keep inspiring each other towards our greatness and our deep commitment to our erotic, sexual and sensual lives.  I honour that you are also going through changes of your own, tending to a new primary relationship in your life.  Where do I fit in for you?  What are your deepest desires? How can we move towards manifesting all that we both want in this life?  If I could have my way, we would always have this D/s arrangement but I would be a more regular and physical part of your life so I could love and serve you the way I have always truly wanted as your dirty little girl.    I suppose we would live closer to each other, at least part of the year to make that happen.   I have always thought there was so much potential with us.  I am afraid this long distance thing is to hard to carry out, it seems so limiting in ways.  I want to be unlimited with you.  I want to freely express and explore everything with you.  I want to open my heart to love you, touch you and please you as fully as I can.   I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I am afraid you will say no to us.  I am afraid you will say it is not working for you to be this far apart, to be my daddy anymore, when we only see each other once or twice a year.   I am afraid there is just not enough of a mutual give and take for you to get what you truly need and for it to sustain itself this way.  I am afraid of losing something but I know that is just my limited way of thinking, that there is no lack, there is nothing to lose ever.   There is only our own truth and always a moving towards the great love that is within us.  I will speak with you tomorrow.  I wonder what your thoughts are.  I have a bittersweet taste in my mouth already, as if I am going to have to grieve some inevitable loss my heart will feel the sorrow of.
Until tomorrow
xxx
dlg

A Blood bath

Just the other day I was catching up on Skype with you as we often do.   I only had a little time before I had to pick up my kids from school.  I told you I was bleeding and something inside of you lit up.  I had the idea to cover myself in my blood for you while we mutually witnessed pleasuring ourselves.  You were very game.  It didn't take me long to seize this opportunity.   I grabbed my hitachi and headed in the bathroom, computer in hand.  You got naked and comfy on your couch.  I took the glass jar that I have been collecting my blood in for the last two days off my shelf and I swirled it around showing you how much blood was there.  You see my dark, rich blood and you shiver.  I love how much you appreciate this magical and potent fluid.  I have never really had a lover in my life who understands the beauty and power of this life giving blood.  I took off all my clothes for you and then sat on the edge of my bathtub.  I pulled the warm cup out of my cunt that was full of this days blood and I started to pour it down my chest, letting the warmth flow down my belly and onto my legs.  I spread it all around me.  I saw your eyes widen.  I love how turned on you are by this, I love to witness you in your pleasure.  I immediately began to touch myself.  I watched your cock grow and swell before me as I have many times before.  I loved that you could see me, covered in blood and I feel the other beautiful juices begin to drip from the deepest part of me.  I let the blood drip onto the floor of the bathroom as I sat on the edge of the tub.   I poured another round down my body and watched you marvel again at the bright red streaks that now painted my body, my floor, my tub in a new kind of art.   I had my hitachi on my clit and I was getting aroused.  My energy was slow in building but I managed to ejaculate on the floor nonetheless.  I watched you cum, knowing how much we both wished we could be together in real time,  mixing and mingling our fluids right now in beautiful sacred alchemy.  Soon after, I came in rippling waves.  You said you wished we could have photographed it.   It must have been a great visual.  I only had a few minutes left so I had to quickly jump in the shower and go.  We said our goodbyes and within 10 minutes I was walking along the school yard chatting with strangers, a little smile on my face on thinking about what I had just done.  For a quickie it was a great one.  I greatly look forward to the day when the stars align for us to do this beautiful ritual together.  I know that day will come.  Until then, I am loving you more than ever.

Your deeply grateful,
baby girl