Yesterday we had our talk. I must say, it went well and I am so proud of the way we can handle ourselves in what could be very challenging conversations and how we continually strive to speak our truths without blame or shame and move always in the direction of evolving our love. This much is clear, we do both share a deep love, desire and commitment for things to continue and grow and at the same time we continually bump up against our limitations of living 3000 miles apart. Daddy's request was for me to show my devotion to him in more consistent reliable ways of my choosing. He mentioned that at times, the energy of our D/s relationship seems to wane. Given our busy lives, other relationships and distance etc...This is not surprising and I have felt it too. We agreed that the ebb and flow and fluctuations in the energy exchange are expected and didn't signify that anything was wrong or that either of us were failing in our role somehow. We agreed to allow the space for those fluctuations to be and let things naturally take their course and to always let each other know if and when we needed something more which is what was happening now. This approach allows for our more authentic and spontaneous expression with how things get played out, instead of doing what we "think" we should be doing, meeting some quota of homework and sharing etc... we can do what feels right at the time. I love the space and room we give each other, it is truly beautiful to watch our relationship unfold.
Daddy also made a request that I commit to regular visits, whether they be twice a year or more in order for this to work. I agreed. Daddy needs to feel and know my devotion as his submissive, as his baby girl, as his dirty little one in more consistent ways in order for it to work for him. And he asks to know how he can continue to show his devotion to me.
I listened with a calm and open heart to all he shared. I cried tears of joy for I know that he loves me and values me in his life and for the beauty and vulnerability he shows in expressing his desires to me. I feel deep pangs of longing and gratitude to be able to love, serve and please this man. It is my honour to do so. I only wish I could be closer to him so I can show him in more physical and deliciously sexual and sensual ways. Which brings me to part two, how to show my devotion?
This is what my hearts desires versus what is truly possible in the reality of this present space and time in my life.
The thought of not being able to be daddy's baby girl right now would shatter my heart. I am devoted to him and I long to be closer which would mean more visits, at least 3-4 times a year where we would spend at least a week together. Or, that I would live on the East Coast, several months of the year being closer to him and my family which would be a great benefit for everyone all around. My heart desires to be his 24/7 sub which would also contain deep friendship, being lovers, and the occasional switch of power exchange so we could both have our turn at surrendering. My heart desires to love him freely, fully, passionately with all the sexual, sensual and erotic energy we share spilling over into playing with others as well. Our cup would run over with erotic juices, it would be our natural desire to want to share it, including our current partners. My heart desires more, fun, creative erotic adventures that would include his instruction into more of my current life situation. I desire that he become an active role in my life, meeting my children, family and friends. I desire that he be willing to come see and stay with me once a year. I do not want to be hidden in his life. I wish for him to speak openly and proudly of me as his submissive lover and friend to others. My desire is that I grow and deepen my relationship with him over many long years and that he always be a consistent part of my life. For that is how much he means to me.
And here is the reality...…
I cannot just move to the East Coast, not right now. I can entertain the idea of moving and living/working part time on the East coast, but I don't foresee it happening until the summer or next fall. I am greatly challenged by my financial situation right now, affording two places to live feels tricky at the moment. I can make regular trips as I have been, at least once a year but when I am there I have to share my time with my family too so sometimes staying a whole week with him is a challenge. I would like for that to not be the case. I can show my devotion more consistently in a fun and creative way that will please daddy, that would be a joy for me. I already have some ideas but will share them with him directly later. I can commit to more regular texting, emailing on a daily or weekly basis but I need adequate time to complete my assignments as sometimes I struggle given my busy and hectic lifestyle as a working mother. I can commit to sending things by mail on a weekly or biweekly basis. I can commit to photo sharing, more writing on this blog. I can commit to more sexual adventures that I fulfil here at home that include my daddy more actively and creatively whether they are with myself or with others. I am committed to sharing my devotion more, as I wish to please daddy from the very depths of my being. Not only because of all he does for me but because he is one of the most beautiful, authentic, loving and devoted men I have ever met. He deserves to have this devotion reflected back to him. So for now, that is where I am. I will speak with him soon. I have already spoken to my husband and shared with him my truth and how I wish for things to move forward for daddy and I and for us as a polyamorous, open couple. My husband is in full support and was encouraged by my desire for daddy to be more a part of my life here and maybe a part of our sexual life as well. Today I feel truly blessed.
More thoughts from,
~DLG
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