I thought this blog was going to be a documentation of what it was like to be a submissive for the first time in my life and what I was learning and experiencing with Daddy. I thought it would be filled with sexy shorts and erotic musings, filled with hot little snapshots of my life with him and his influence upon it. So I was surprised when he suggested I write about my challenges with my brother. My brother? What could this possibly have anything to do with D/s, with the erotic? Well, all I can do is tell you my experience and then you can decide. I have been struggling with my relationship with my brother for a long time. I love my brother but things have gotten messy in my family as they often do, and I, as per usual am the one who gets in the middle, stirring the pot so to speak, of course with the best of intentions but often with disastrous results. This past summer we got into a heated fight, which for me is extremely rare in my life and things have not been the same between us since. This has been years in the making but alas, the challenge between he and his wife and my parents is not my struggle but I can tell you, I feel it like its mine and their struggle and pain with each other over all these years has affected the family as a whole, that I am sure. The life of being an empath, feeling everything as if it were your own, it a challenge a lot of the time. But that is part of my trip in life so here I am feeling and dealing. I feel, and I care so it can be hard for me to sit back and not try to "help." I see now the error of my ways, as has been the case many times in the past. Anyhow, I have recently tried to decide just what to do. I want to have a relationship with my brother, I love him and always have but I am at a loss for how to go about doing it at this point. From my perspective, he has never been able to take any responsibility for his actions and has essentially pushed us all very far away and he blames everyone else. He is very hurt and he clearly, does not want to talk to me. So what do I do when I am stuck and need advice? I call Daddy.
In short, Daddy teaches me to love people and myself, fully. He teaches me to really listen to people, fully and to acknowledge them and their feelings regardless of whether I agree or disagree or have a different point of view, which in this case I clearly do. He teaches me to love others that I care about with an undefended heart which means letting someone have their say, their emotions and ALL their stuff, as long as it is not abusive to me, and to not only allow it, but to be with it without trying to fix, do or add anything. Ok, sure, I get it but...with my brother! So that is the work at hand, to let go of the story, to let go of old patterns and just hear him and all his pain. I, being at a total loss, of how to reach him, was willing to try it. So that is where I sit. Instead of trying to talk, trying to engage him in a conversation or an understanding of where I am coming from, of what I see, I just simply said, "I am sorry for hurting you." He has not responded, he may never. I don't know anymore if he really wants a relationship with me but this is where I am, sitting in the discomfort of not knowing, of not trying to make it any certain way and of grieving the brother that I miss. How that fits into the erotic life of a submissive learning how to surrender I can probably guess and I am sure I will find out over time. If I had my guess, Daddy would say, "You are learning how to surrender to love and you are learning how to love well. What else is there?"
Another day in the life of
a dirty little girl
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